It wasn't supposed to feel this way,
The pining of the heart to be gone,
The restlessness meant to go away,
How many masks do I show to the world,
I was not supposed to need them here,
Yet I find it all the same,
One more face added to the collection,
Don't recognize the true one anymore
Oct 28, 2008
Jan 27, 2008
Saw a tamil movie today.. Autograph . For the uninitiated , it is extremely rare of me to watch any Indian movie .. that too a tamil one around 4 hours in length.
But it was a brilliant movie , the best I have seen in years . Its about a 30 something guy , who is about to get married . He is travelling to all the places he grew up in , to meet the people there and extend invitations .
It starts off with him visiting his old village , where he attended school . The way his nonstalgia is captured and flashbacks are woven is fantastic . He relieves all of his schooldays , especially his first love . He visits her , now married with 3 kids and living a hand to mouth existence . The emotions both of them go thru when they see each other is simply brilliant . I got goosebumps .. thinking about my schooldays .Bought back all those old memories .... of what could have been .
Next he visits Kerala , where he attended college and met the second love of his life . Again he relives it all , their first kiss , the family opposition.. how she got married off and he became a drunkard.
He visits her too ... she's a widow now . They both cry ... he's angry that she didn't inform him. She tells him he's crying bcos he's feeling sympathetic towards her .. its not love.. reminds him that he had almost forgotten her. .. somethings in life are just meant to be... you accept them and move on ....
Then its back to the city , where his third love is . Shes his best friend .. a completely platonic relationship... but they do love each other . But his is an arranged marriage ... and he hasn't even met the girl once .
Made me think of my past , my 25 odd years .... so much is past .... have a strong urge to revisit it... feel alone but not lonely ... always wanted somebody for me .... in love with me ...but is it really needed...
May 1, 2007
Love is but a beautiful thing,
makes everything pretty, everything serene,
it can bring bliss to your life,
make everything proper, everything right,
it will give you a taste of what heaven is like,
Like you are leading someone else's life,
Solitude has great power too,
Get to know yourself, be at peace with you,
But at times you do get the pangs,
Like when you see somebody holding hands,
You cannot help but wonder,what that would be like,
Having someone always by your side,
Someone who loves you, supports you,is there for you,
A warm body besides you, someone to wake up in the morning to,
A face which stays in your mind always, a voice which makes your heart jump,
So you wish, you wish for change,
with a true heart and a yearning soul,
And sometimes magic does happen,wonder of wonders you find someone,
Every new day is an adventure, your earlier life you remember no longer,
It feels as if life is complete,nothing else you could wish for..it seems,
But at times, you will be lonely,
The fear will come back, the pain unholy,
You seek to go back to your earlier strength,
But alas, you possess that no longer,
your life you've handed it to someone else,
your world seems so empty,
everything feel oh so crazy,
But you must hold on to your faith,
Believe in your love, and everything will fall into place.
Feb 17, 2007
The room is dark, the night is cold,
Iam all alone, but sleep refuses to come,
My head hurts,I don't want to think,
But the voices in my head, they refuse to stop,
The clock ticks away, but time stands still,
The sun refuses, to show its face early this day,
Everything is quite, until I hear a sound,
Its the sound of laughter,a woman's voice,
For some insane reason,which I cannot fathom,
It cuts right through my heart,
Am I being foolish , or childish even,
Am i being too demanding or expecting still,
People are different, but isn't love supposed to unite them,
How can we feel so differently then,
This pain is unbearable, is it really worth it,
Wasn't it all much better, with me alone still,
It is with these thoughts, that I lie in bed,
Waiting for morning to come,
I hope it brings peace and solace to me,
I hope I find my answer soon, before I waste away completely.
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